


Peace of Mind

by lotusk



Category: EXO (Band), f(x)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Broken!KaiStal, College, Crushes, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Gay For You, Haircuts, Hand Jobs, Joonmyun can cut hair and things, M/M, Mutually Unrequited, Neighbors, Romance, Unrequited Crush, a happy ending bc all my fics have happy endings I'm so serious about this, teaching assistant Joonmyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 08:05:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3242372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotusk/pseuds/lotusk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College!au fic where Joonmyun falls hopelessly for his best friend Jongdae's straight housemate Jongin, and has a penchant for overstaying his welcome as a result.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Peace of Mind

Sometimes Joonmyun wishes Kim Jongin had never moved into his building. And at other times, Joonmyun simply wishes he'd never set eyes on his best friend Jongdae's roommate. He sorely misses the peace of mind he used to enjoy before he'd met the tall, lean Architecture student with the bitter chocolate eyes and light hazelnut skin. He can barely even recall the serenity he used to enjoy before he became inconveniently infatuated with Jongin. The 21 year old undergrad had moved into Jongdae's apartment two months ago, and within a matter of two weeks, Joonmyun had found himself reluctantly but hopelessly attached to the man. Now he just wants the attachment to end so he can have peace of mind again.

But Joonmyun's sporadic attempts to stop crushing on Jongin mostly only ever last for the brief number of minutes it takes for Jongin to open the door and let him into the apartment, or for him to wander out of his bedroom when it's Jongdae who answers the door. Because as soon as Joonmyun sees his sleepy-eyed, lazy molasses smile, all his resolve to exile Jongin from his heart and mind vanishes like grains of desert sand scattered by the wind. And at times like these, Joonmyun hates his own weak heart more than anything.

He looks at his watch, and it cheerfully informs him it's 7.34. Fashionably late by four minutes, Joonmyun consoles himself as his thin knuckles rap on the wooden door. He only has to wait less than a minute before he hears the latch being released and the doorknob being turned.

"Joonmyun, hi! Did you get the pizza?" Jongin greets him warmly as he sees his roommate's best friend standing in the doorway. Laughter lines appear around his eyes and it's one of the things Joonmyun likes best about Jongin - the fact that he smiles so much. He hasn't had a haircut in a while, and longish strands of dark chestnut brown hair fall attractively across his forehead, just touching his eyebrows.

"Super Supreme with extra pepperoni and mushrooms just like we agreed." It's a ritual. Every Wednesday, Joonmyun comes over with pizza - the toppings change from week to week depending on what everyone feels like having, but it's always pizza. Another part of the ritual is that they watch a movie after dinner, and it's usually Jongin and Jongdae who pick the movie because Joonmyun is indecisive (but Joonmyun suspects it's more to do with Jongdae's declaration that he has weird taste in films). 

"We're watching _The Italian Job_ tonight. You know the heist movie with the Mini Coopers? I love that movie."

"I've never seen it." Joonmyun says apologetically as he carefully places the Papa Luigi pizza box on the kitchen table. With expert ease, Jongin pours equal amounts of chilled Coke into three indigo blue glass tumblers. Jongin is a part-time waiter at Havana Bistro on Carrington Avenue, four blocks from the apartment and he handles a plastic Coke bottle with the same kind of care and finesse he applies to handling a bottle of exorbitantly expensive French wine. Joonmyun is often mesmerized by the graceful yet masculine movements of his slender fingers and elegant forearms.

"The plot is interesting and there's good chemistry between the characters. It's got some funny moments too and cool car chase scenes. Also, Charlize Theron is really pretty." Jongin says animatedly as he hands Joonmyun a filled glass and shouts over his shoulder, "Dae! Dinner!" And there's that pang in Joonmyun's gut as he remembers why he needs to stop liking Jongin. Based on Jongin's occasional references to two ex-girlfriends, and the way he and Jongdae compare notes about girls in the movies they watch, everything seems to point to Jongin being straight. Joonmyun knows his crush will lead nowhere but he can't seem to make himself stay away from Jongin or like him less. And it's at times like this that he REALLY wishes Jongin had never moved here. If he didn't see him all the time, maybe ... maybe he could actually get over him.

"Joon, you'd better have extra mushrooms and pepperoni in that box or else I'm going to have to hurt you." His best friend of eight years, Jongdae reaches one hand to flip open the cardboard lid while the other recklessly grabs an indigo blue tumbler. "I knew I could count on you," Jongdae grins impishly at Joonmyun before taking a swig of Coke. Imbued with a natural puckishness, Jongdae usually only allows people to see the flippant and often sarcastic side to his nature but Joonmyun knows better. Jongdae has stood up for him and stayed by his side where other friends have faltered and faded away and Joonmyun recognizes the true weight of his friendship. 

"So," Jongdae announces dramatically as he plucks a circular slice of pepperoni off the pizza and pops it into his mouth, "We're robbing a bank tonight!" And Jongin and Joonmyun both groan in unison at the lameness of the joke.

"You've got to be kidding me," Jongin gives him a pitying look as he settles his lithe frame onto a dining chair with the same kind of effortless, fluid grace he does most things. 

"Let's just eat." Joonmyun rolls his eyes at Jongdae who protests noisily that he's the only one in this place with any sense of humor.

***

Joonmyun ends up liking the movie, and this pleases Jongin more than it should. He's not sure why it's important that Joonmyun approves of his taste in movies - maybe it's because he looks up to their older neighbor. Kim Joonmyun is a final year Civil Engineering Honors student and Teaching Assistant at the same university as Jongdae and himself. It's easy to admire his intellect and his easygoing nature - his bonhomie. He's good looking in a clean cut, quiet kind of way ... not that Jongin checks out guys or anything like that. He enjoys his company, which is a good thing because Joonmyun spends a lot of time at their place. A lot of time. He figures it must be a drag for Joonmyun to share an apartment with his older brother and his girlfriend, and that's why he's always downstairs with them. It must get ... awkward for Joonmyun when his hyung and his girlfriend need privacy.

The second floor apartment has a small balcony that overlooks the busy street below. It's almost 11 pm but pedestrians still clog up the streets and avenues - some tense and drained in ties, white shirts and smart business suits, while some radiate easygoing vibes in comfortable, casual wear; and still others look far too young to be that jaded in scanty tops, slinky dresses and dangerously high stilettos. The three friends enjoy people watching as they sit on hunter green deck chairs, beer cans balanced on slim thighs with the night sky rolled out like a midnight blue blanket shot through with silver sprinkles. The stars are barely visible with the amount of light the city generates but Jongin and the others know the stars are there if they look hard enough. Conversation has trickled to almost nothing and at quarter past the hour, Jongdae stretches his arms upward and yawns just a little exaggeratedly before mumbling something about how late it is and how Joonmyun should probably be heading home too. But Joonmyun pretends not to hear his hint because Jongin looks so handsome in the soft amber glow of candlelight that he can't bring himself to leave just yet. Jongdae eventually mumbles something about spending some quality time with his bed and disappears into the dimly lit apartment. He's left his empty beer can on the upturned small furniture crate they use as a makeshift table because he knows Jongin or Jongdae will dispose of it. _Typical_.

***

The balcony is lit by nothing but cloud filtered moonlight, and the soft champagne glow of the stubby white candle that burns slowly on a square green glass dish. Jongin's Noona had given it to him a few weeks ago, complaining that his apartment was in desperate need of a few feminine touches. The delicate scent of vanilla perfumes the air and it reminds Jongin of freshly baked shortbread cookies. He loves that smell and makes a mental note to tell his noona he likes this candle best of all the ones she's given him.

There's silence but it's not really awkward because they've known each other for two months. As he watches Joonmyun sip his beer, Jongin has a sudden epiphany. Joonmyun has been his neighbor and friend for two months but they barely know anything personal about each other. Jongdae is usually with them and they usually end up talking about impersonal things like project deadlines, sports, shows and movies they've watched recently, people they know. And very occasionally, Jongdae may mention his dates with his girlfriend, or ask for relationship advice. Joonmyun never says much when Jongdae asks for dating advice, grinning sheepishly and saying he doesn't know anything about girls really. So it's usually Jongin who steps in, drawing on his personal experiences with ex-girlfriends Soojung and Seohyun. Jongin scratches the back of his neck distractedly, thinking that maybe it's time he finds out more about Joonmyun. They're friends after all.

"Dreams." Jongin says abruptly.

"Jongin, what?" With his eyebrows arched in confusion, Joonmyun has the cutest expression on his face. 

"Let's do a word association game. I say a word and you say the first thing that pops into your head. Then you give me a word and I do the same. What do you think?"

"I'm in." And Jongin's never seen such mischief on the older man's face. It's like a undetected patina of playfulness lurks beneath all that congeniality.

"Dreams." Jongin repeats and waits to hear what Joonmyun wants to be in the future.

"Sailing." Joonmyun closes his eyes and says, "There's this recurring dream I've had since I was a 14. I'm always surrounded by ocean and it's summer and there's a breeze. And I'm ... free."

"I wasn't ... expecting that." Jongin was anticipating an answer tied to reality and careers but this answer is almost whimsical and that's not a trait he's ever associated with Joonmyun.

"What were you expecting?" Joonmyun chuckles, "Did you think I'd say I wanted to build bridges and skyscrapers?"

"Something like that, I guess." 

"There'll be plenty of that when I graduate. That's reality, not a dream." And maybe it's the dim lighting but there's an element of fatigue in Joonmyun's face when he says that. Then he concentrates for a few seconds before saying, "Fears."

"Heights. I'm scared of heights." Jongin admits before covering his face, embarrassed.

"Me too." Joonmyun smiles reassuringly, his hand gripping Jongin's shoulder. Joonmyun's hand isn't large but it's warm ... a comforting weight. "That's why I can't do roller coasters. Very uncool of me."

"I hate roller coasters. My ex, Soojung used to get so mad because I wouldn't go on roller coasters with her. Did you have the same problem with your ex-girlfriends?"

"I probably would have if I'd ever had a girlfriend." Joonmyun takes a swig of beer.

"Is that out of choice? I mean I'm sure you had options because you're a nice, good looking dude. I mean that in the most objective way by the way - as in I'm not into guys or anything." Jongin regrets the words before they've barely left his mouth because they sound like all kinds of awkward.

"I am though ... into guys, I mean."

The statement is made matter of factly but Joonmyun's features are suffused with a certain sadness and Jongin wonders what he's gone through. 

"I never knew that." And Jongin really has never had any idea. Neither Jongdae nor Joonmyun have ever let on and now he understands why Joonmyun never offers any advice on girls and Jongdae doesn't hassle him about that when he's perfectly happy to give Joonmyun shit about everything else.

"I hope that doesn't freak you out, Jongin. It's not something I can do anything about." Again, there's that slight sadness. Maybe a part of him is shocked at this new knowledge but it's just a small part, and Joonmyun is his friend so Jongin stifles it.

"I just wasn't expecting it, Joonmyun. But no, I'm not freaked out. Are you ... are you seeing anyone?"

"Not now. I've had a couple of relationships but I haven't dated for more than a year, I guess."

"Do you miss dating?" 

"Not really. It's kinda nice just having time to do your own thing. What about you?"

"Same. Also, it's nice not having to try and survive PMS every few weeks - not that that's something you ever have to worry about. It must be nice." Jongin chuckles.

"Well, boyfriends have their issues too. Maybe not on a regular monthly cycle but yeah, they can get pissy too. Didn't you ever get cranky with your ex-girlfriends?" Joonmyun asks teasingly and Jongin laughs, "Sure, I did. I used to get so pissed off when they kept talking to me while I was watching Chelsea football matches or reading the paper."

"See? Boyfriends have off days too. But anyway, back to the game - your turn to give me a word." He deftly guides the conversation away from uncomfortable waters and Jongin knows he should feel relieved but all he feels is curious and there are even more questions dancing on the edge of his tongue, but they die on his lips when Joonmyun determinedly restarts the game.

"Cake." Jongin's head feels a bit like it's swirling so he can't seem to come up with anything that doesn't sound completely lame.

"Carrot. I don't really have a sweet tooth so carrot cake is my favorite. You?"

"Chocolate praline. Sweet and bad for me - that's how I like my cake." Jongin looks up and catches Joonmyun staring at him thoughtfully. 

"So you like things that are sweet and bad for you. Does that apply to girls too?" Joonmyun's voice is teasing but there's a ... Jongin can't understand it but he senses a wistfulness in Joonmyun's gaze.

"I never really thought about having a type. Both my ex girlfriends were pretty bubbly I guess? And they were caring most of the time but there were days I just wanted to hide out a friend's place for a few days, y'know? I guess my type seems to be bubbly and mostly sweet." Jongin chuckles. "But I haven't met anyone interesting in a while. I broke up with Soojung 6 months ago. She's studying in the East Coast and long distance relationships just aren't my thing. What about you? What's your type?"

"Definitely not bubbly!" Joonmyun says and they both chuckle.

"Someone who's caring and considerate and has a sense of humor - that's what I look for in a guy." Then he abruptly changes the subject by saying, "Books." And just like that, their conversation is traveling on a safer tangent. Again.

***

It's way past midnight and Jongin traps another yawn behind his cupped palm. He's enjoying the conversation but he's longing for his bed too - it doesn't help that he has an 8 am lecture he can't miss.

"Hey Joonmyun, I don't want you to feel like I'm chasing you out but I really have to sleep soon. 8 am lecture so ..."

"Shit! I lost track of time." Joonmyun gets up and smooths his hands over the seat of his pants before collecting all three beer cans and taking them to the kitchen disposal unit. His movements are spare, measured and elegant and Jongin finds it soothing to watch him negotiate his way around the apartment. He stops to wash his hands and then he's heading for the front door, like he's done a million times before. He opens the door and turns around to say "Goodnight" just as Jongin walks up behind him and suddenly their faces are only three inches apart. Joonmyun gazes up at him, eyes wide like he's slightly startled by the proximity. Seen up close, Joonmyun's almond eyes are really pretty, Jongin thinks. His bottom lip is full and plush and it juts out ever so slightly so that there's an almost pout. Jongin is overcome by an overwhelming and inexplicable urge to trace the curves of those coral pink lips with his finger. 

"Goodnight, Jongin." Joonmyun says abruptly, his voice laced with tension as he turns away and walks quickly out into the dimly lit corridor before Jongin even has a chance to say it back. Instead of shutting the door, Jongin leans against the door jamb and watches as Joonmyun strides towards the lift. He's still staring when the lift doors shut behind the older man, who didn't turn back at all. This leaves Jongin feeling a little let down somehow, although there's no logical reason why he should feel this way.

When Jongin is lying in bed fifteen minutes later, his head is full of all the new things he's discovered about Joonmyun. He's never even thought about Joonmyun having real dreams - dreams that have nothing to do with building a successful career. And that whole thing about him being gay ... Jongin isn't sure how he feels about that yet but he knows it doesn't change the fact that Joonmyun is his friend. All these new facets of Joonmyun are fresh and intriguing and Jongin just wants to uncover more. He WILL find out more, he thinks as sleep claims him.

***

Joonmyun curses that stupid game as the lift doors close and create a second and more definitive physical barrier between Jongin and himself. He's already had enough trouble obsessing over Jongin - that was before he even knew Jongin has a fear of heights like himself and before he knew the qualities Jongin looks for in a relationship. But the main catalyst for Joonmyun's new found determination to remove himself from Kim Jongin's orbit is the fact that the object of his affection now knows he's gay. Joonmyun doesn't think he can keep things together around Jongin anymore so he won't be dropping by at his best friend's apartment anymore for a while. Maybe two weeks will be enough time for him to make his crush fade away. After tonight's conversation with Jongin, his peace of mind is well and truly gone and he needs to recover it. It's time to end the misery of liking someone who won't ever like him back.

***

Jongin's eyes scan the shelves for Spiro Kastof's _A History of Architecture: Settings & Rituals_ and he reaches for the thick volume when he sees it. He plucks it smoothly off the shelf, and is carefully flipping through the glossy pages when he hears a girl's voice call, "Joonmyun! Do you have a minute?" What are the chances there is another Joonmyun doing Architecture or Civil Engineering? Jongin spends three seconds deliberating and then he's peering through the gaps in the shelves. Joonmyun hasn't been to the apartment since movie night six days ago and he's kind of missed having him around. If he's honest with himself, it's been a little weird not seeing Joonmyun around the apartment. As he's guessed, it is Kim Joonmyun. And a girl seems to be asking him for help with something - it makes sense because he is a teaching assistant. Except the girl seems to be ... flirting with him. He recognizes all the signals. He knows them well after all, because girls are always coming on to him - not that he encourages it. He had meant it when he'd told Joonmyun he was enjoying the single life.

With a kind of morbid fascination, Jongin watches as the girl (who's pretty in a subtly made up, long-haired, porcelain-pretty way) leans over the desk to speak to Joonmyun, who is earnestly explaining something to her. He's wearing black-framed glasses today and Jongin realizes he's never seen Joonmyun in glasses; he's never even known he has anything less than perfect eyesight. And it occurs to him for the third time since his conversation with Joonmyun on Wednesday night, that there is so much he doesn't know about Joonmyun. What he does know is that he doesn't like seeing that girl flirt with his friend. It doesn't seem to matter that Joonmyun is gay and she's just wasting her time - Jongin just doesn't like it and there is absolutely no rational explanation why he should feel this way.

Joonmyun is smiling as he looks up at the girl. He can't hear what they're saying. They're too far away and besides, they're speaking too softly anyway. Jongin decides that the glasses suit Joonmyun. He's always been handsome but the glasses somehow make him look sexy in an intellectual kind of way. Joonmyun smiles at the girl again and this time it's unmistakable, Jongin feels his breath catch. It's such a wispy thing he can almost convince himself that he feels nothing as he watches his neighbor's face light up in an easy smile. Part of him wants to go over and sit with Joonmyun and talk to him and make that girl leave, but the other part of him just cannot deal with what's happening to him. In the end, he grabs a random textbook from the shelf - he doesn't even look at the title, doesn't even care - and forces himself to walk back to his desk and study. Jongin tries to immerse himself in architectural principles but instead finds himself haunted by images of black framed glasses, an engaging smile, and a face that should be familiar and yet seems completely new to him.

He attempts to chase way the ghosts and absorb the contents of a chapter entitled _Designing the Fin de Siecle_ , but banishing Joonmyun's smile is harder than he expects. Finally, after ten minutes of frustrating struggle, Jongin's had enough and he starts making his way to the area where Joonmyun is sitting. Maybe he just needs to stretch his legs and take in some air that isn't recycled AC air tainted with the smell of old books. As he turns the corner and Joonmyun's desk comes into view, Jongin finds to his dismay that the girl is still there. A chair has been dragged over sometime in the past twenty minutes and she's sitting (too) closely to Joonmyun, who's diligently printing lines and lines of numerals and Greek symbols onto lined paper as he explains some complex engineering theorem. His face is scrunched up in concentration and his eyes look intense behind the transparent shield of his glasses. The sight of Joonmyun teaching is something that appeals to Jongin a little too much and he wonders how he's never seen him in this mode. How has he never bumped into him in the library or around the campus when they see so much of each other off campus? It almost defies logic that their paths have never crossed before today.

"Joonmyun, hey." Jongin clears his throat to get his attention and it feels weird because it's something he's never had to do - he's always had the older man's attention.

"Hey," A warm smile edges out the serious expression he'd had on his face earlier, and wrinkles the skin around his eyes in the most attractive way. And just like that, Jongin realizes he's missed the subdued handsomeness of Joonmyun's features far more than he's ever imagined he could.

"Are you almost done? I was thinking we could grab something to eat downstairs."

"Just three more lines of equations," Joonmyun pushes his glasses up with an index finger so they settle on the bridge of his nose and Jongin is inexplicably fascinated by the movement. The girl is watching him curiously and he gives her a friendly nod of acknowledgement but doesn't introduce himself or ask her name.

"I'll just go grab my stuff and meet you back here in ten."

"Sure, Jongin." He agrees absentmindedly before turning his attention back to the squiggles before him. The girl is still watching Jongin speculatively and Jongin looks away uneasily before leaving.

***

"Do you always tutor students in the library?" Jongin asks just before taking a sizeable bite out of his grilled chicken and avocado wrap.

"No, not usually. They usually ask questions during tutorial sessions or after lectures."

"So why did you help that girl today?"

"Sunyoung really struggles with the Hamilton-Cayley Theorem so any extra help I can give her ... I try."

"I'm not sure she's struggling that much with math." Jongin makes a sound that can only be interpreted as a derisive snort, and his remark confuses Joonmyun.

"Why would you even say that?" Joonmyun demands.

"That girl? She is definitely into you."

"Of course she isn't!" Joonmyun protests, placing his pastrami sandwich haphazardly on a standard issue, Library Cafe white ceramic plate.

"So. Into. You. Everyone in the library knew it except you."

"You've got it wrong, Jongin. Girls don't come on to me. Plus she's a student in a course I'm a TA for. It's not ethical." He shook his head almost mutinously.

"When has that ever stopped an undergrad?" Jongin rolls his eyes as he takes a sip of coffee, wincing as the dark liquid scorches the inside of his throat. "And why wouldn't girls come on to you? You're a good looking dude and that girl was definitely flirting with you."

"No she wasn't. She was just paying attention to what I was saying. And I'm not good looking, are you kidding me? I'm just ... ordinary!"

"Nope, you're a good looking. Don't argue, please. Was she flipping her hair a lot? Twirling the ends with her fingers? Laughing? Was she laughing a lot? Or worse, did she giggle? Did she lean over into your personal space a lot?"

"Well, yes, but -"

"All textbook signs of flirting."

"But I didn't encourage her. I'm not even interested."

"I don't think it matters to her whether you're interested. She's trying to make you interested, don't you get it? Also I don't think she realizes you won't ever be interested. I mean we're friends and I didn't even know till a week ago."

"It's not really something you go around randomly sharing with people?" Joonmyun glares at him.

"What about male students? Do they flirt with you sometimes?" Jongin looks almost ... wary and Joonmyun can't understand why.

"There've been a few, I guess ... but I just ignored them because it's not ethical and because I'm already-" and Joonmyun stops mid-sentence when he realizes what he's almost revealed.

"You're already ...?" Jongin's eyes are alert and inquisitive and Joonmyun's never seen him so interested in anything.

"It's nothing." He stares into his coffee cup anxiously.

"You're already ..?"

"I'm already interested in someone else." Joonmyun finally admits and Jongin's face is filled with an odd mix of curiosity and dread - not the expression of triumph he's been expecting at all. 

"Oh. Is it someone I know?"

"You could say that."

"You won't tell me who it is?" Jongin's eyes are trained intensely on him and looking at Jongin is like staring at the sun. It hurts and he looks away.

"I ... I can't Jongin. Maybe one day I will, and we can both laugh about it over a beer." Joonmyun's heart fractures a few degrees as he says this but he tries to keep his expression upbeat. 

"I hope you'll tell me eventually." Jongin says quietly as he watches Joonmyun eat. "I was thinking, Jongdae's got a date and won't be joining us for the movie tomorrow. So we don't have to eat pizza if you feel like eating something else."

"Can you handle Thai food?" Joonmyun knows he vowed a week ago to be less hung up on Jongin and to spend last time around him. He's proud of the fact that he's managed to stay away from him for six days. It's been difficult and he's missed seeing the younger man's warm lazy smiles and sleepy eyes, his plush lips and tawny skin and long, lean body. He's missed just talking to him and being with him even if he knows all that longing won't lead anywhere. Joonmyun's heart is tired and just needs to bask in everything Jongin for a little while - it's had enough of Joonmyun depriving it of the fix it badly needs. Joonmyun's only spent twenty minutes with him today and his limbs already feel lighter and and there's a kind of humming contentment spreading slowly across the surface his heart. He knows he should say he can't make it for tomorrow's movie night, but ...

"Is that a ... challenge?" Jongin is grinning mischievously as he puts his coffee cup down.

"The Tomyam soup at Lemongrass Cafe is so spicy it'll make you weep." Joonmyun taunts Jongin but inwardly despairs at his lack of self restraint.

"I'd like to see it try." Jongin chuckles and they make plans to have an early dinner at the Thai cafe which is ten minutes' walk from their building.

***

"Admit it, you almost died. That Tomyam soup was like liquid fire."

"It was ... a little bit spicy." Jongin tries to say with a straight face even though his overlong fringe is sticking to his forehead in dark, wet strands and the red cotton tee is clinging to him in places because the soup was so spicy it had made him break a sweat. To his disgust, Joonmyun's face hadn't even gotten flushed from the stinging heat of the soup and he'd managed to stay pale and dry and fresh through the entire ordeal.

"You're such a bad liar, Jongin," Joonmyun chuckles, briefly placing a hand on Jongin's back as they take a leisurely stroll back to their apartment building. But ripples of sensation continue to warm Jongin's skin long after Joonmyun's removed his palm. Jongin isn't naive; he's had relationships and he understands what sexual attraction feels like and he's not the type to lie to himself either. The thing is Kim Joonmyun is the only guy he's ever responded to physically and he's not sure how he feels about it or what he's going to do about it. But for now, he's content to drape his arm around Joonmyun's shoulder and he leaves it there for the rest of their journey home even though it's a sultry, summer night and they're just friends. If Joonmyun finds it awkward, he doesn't let on but he does seem a little more reserved than usual.

Naturally, they end up in Jongin's apartment. Joonmyun mumbles something about having work to do but Jongin manages to persuade him to come over because watching a movie on your own is "something that aging, balding, sexually frustrated men do." This makes Joonmyun laugh and he wavers and walks out of the lift with Jongin, and into his Jongdae-free apartment.

"I am so done with this." Jongin groans as he shuts the door and picks off the moist filaments of hair poking at his eyelids, "But God only knows when I'll find the time and energy to get a haircut." He grumbles as he grabs a fistful of fringe and holds it up and away from his forehead.

"I can trim it for you." Junmyeon offers as he gives Jongin's hair an appraising look.

"You can cut hair?!" Jongin asks in disbelief.

"I used to work summers at my cousin's barber shop. How do you think Jongdae keeps his hair short all the time? The guy's too much of a cheapskate to go for regular haircuts so he bullies his best friend into cutting his hair for him ... for free." Joonmyun says with ill-concealed disgust.

"Oh my God! I never knew," Jongin chuckles and his eyes are alive with mirth and delight and he's so beautiful when he laughs that Joonmyun has to look away.

"He usually comes to my apartment for haircuts because my scissors and things are there."

"Do you cut your own hair?"

"Well, I do my fringe in between haircuts."

"I never even knew Jongdae wasn't getting his hair cut by a hairdresser. You're pretty good."

"I wouldn't say I'm good but I probably won't damage things to a point where you need to wear a snapback every time you leave the apartment," Joonmyun jokes and then laughs as Jongin blanches. "I'm kidding! I promise I won't butcher your hair. I just need to go get my scissors and things."

"I can go over to your place if it's easier for you?"

"No! I mean ... It's okay, I won't be long. My hyung and his girlfriend are home and ... It's just easier to do it here." Joonmyun shrugs sheepishly.

"If you're sure. And Joonmyun? Thanks, man." As the door closes behind Joonmyun, it suddenly occurs to Jongin that he's all sweaty from dinner and Joonmyun's about to touch his hair and ... Shit, he really needs to take a shower because he doesn't want to gross Joonmyun out. Part of him protests that it shouldn't even matter; they're both men and it's not like Jongin's trying to pick him up because it's not like Jongin is into guys anyway. But the other part of him, the part that's been getting louder and louder in the past week, wants to know what it's like to feel the press of Kim Junmyeon's pretty coral pink lips beneath his own, and to have those small hands explore his neck and chest. And suddenly there's absolutely no question of Jongin not showering because he needs cold water for the boner that's pushing uncomfortably against the zipper of his white cotton drill shorts ...

***

Joonmyun leans against the elevator wall and covers his face with his palms. Why did he offer to cut Jongin's hair? What was he thinking? He pictures his fingers gently gripping strands of chestnut brown hair and brushing the other man's scalp and neck and he knows he's looking at at least twenty minutes of sustained contact. Already shaken from the walk home with Jongin, Joonmyun worries he'll lose control and mess everything up. When Jongin had put his arm around his shoulder after leaving the cafe, Joonmyun's arm had almost shot out and encircled his waist. He'd managed to stop himself just in time. Jongin's skin had been warm and sensuous against his - the most exquisite contact. After two and a half months of yearning, it had almost been too much. It had been the sweetest kind of torture because Joonmyun had welcomed Jongin's casual gesture with the knowledge that he couldn't ever touch him back in the same way. He didn't trust himself to.

It only takes him a few minutes to gather his steel scissors, cutting collar, comb, and spray bottle; but he's so distracted he almost forgets his glasses. Joonmyun thinks about calling Jongin and telling him he can't do it after all but in the end, all he wants is to be with Jongin. Mind made up, he leaves his apartment, body taut with anxiety and anticipation.

***

The doors to the balcony are wide open as they always are on summer nights, so there's a mild breeze wafting in that cools down the apartment and makes it balmy and welcoming. Jongin is effortlessly sexy in black board shorts and a loose, black sleeveless tank that leaves his tanned, leanly muscled arms exposed. He's obviously just had a shower as his hair hangs down his forehead, straight and wet. He looks amazing and with a sinking sensation, Joonmyun knows giving Jongin a haircut is going to be a real challenge. It's not the first time he's seen Jongin with wet hair - he's always been hyper aware of Jongin - but this is the first time Joonmyun will be touching it and his heart accelerates a beat or two in his nervousness. He puts on his reading glasses in a futile attempt to distract himself.

"I wanted to ask you about your glasses the other day. How come I never saw you in glasses before that time on campus?"

"I'm farsighted. I only need them for reading and for when I have to look at things up close like when I'm cutting hair or sewing on buttons. I can watch TV fine without them."

"You sew?" Jongin looks intrigued.

"I can do basic mending anyway. I've been living away from home for years. My hyung would tell me where to shove it if I asked him to help and I wasn't going to ask his girlfriend to help."

"And your ex-es?"

"Were guys who didn't know one end of a needle from the other. Can you sew?"

"Yeah, yeah I know enough to fix buttons and stuff. My ex-es were girls who couldn't sew." Jongin admitted with a grin and they both chuckled.

"But your glasses, Joonmyun ... I like them. I mean I like the way you look in them." Jongin says and it's not exactly awkward because Jongin is never awkward, and yet his light cinnamon skin looks a little flushed and Joonmyun wonders if perhaps ... Could Jongin be a little bicurious? But he's never shown any signs of being anything less than heterosexual and he tells himself to stop being fanciful ...

They're in the center of the living room where the light is better and Jongin is seated on a wooden stool, his shoulders covered by a charcoal gray rubber cutting collar. Joonmyun's fingers are carefully holding up sections of soft, fine hair and examining them, and he tries his best not to let his fingers graze against Jongin's scalp and neck but the odd touch is inescapable. The occasional contact doesn't seem to affect Jongin as he sits: unmoving and uncharacteristically silent. There's no sound but the metallic snip snip of the scissors as Joonmyun carefully measures and cuts Jongin's hair, cropped locks of it falling downward and littering the tiled floor around them. When he's trimming the sideburns, his fingers are a little shaky as they brush the tips of Jongin's ears and he has to concentrate extra hard to make sure everything's symmetrical. He's almost finished doing the final sideburn when his fingers skate across the shell of Jongin's ear and there's an audible gasp and it's not his. Joonmyun pretends he doesn't hear it as he manipulates the scissors expertly and completes the haircut. He puts the scissors down and he's about to step back and survey the haircut for symmetry when an arm snakes around his waist and drags him forward so he ends up standing between Jongin's thighs. Joonmyun's heartbeat begins to quicken erratically as Jongin grips his forearms and warm, fluttering sensations shudder across his skin.

"Jongin, what's going on?" Joonmyun asks, his voice laced with confusion.

Then, inexplicably, Jongin reaches for Joonmyun's glasses and slowly removes the frames.

"Jongin?"

"These glasses make things even harder for me. I can't resist you when you have them on."

"I don't understand." Joonmyun actually thinks he's beginning to understand but he isn't self confident enough to ask if Jongin is coming on to him.

And before he can say anything else, Jongin's stroking his face slowly, like he's memorizing the way Joonmyun's skin feels beneath the pads of his fingers.

"I've never touched a guy's face before, other than my own." There is a trace of wonder in Jongin's words as his fingers continue to explore the curves and edges of his face. Jongin's fingertips are warm, so warm and Joonmyun closes his eyes because the contact is just too exquisite to bear. "You've got more angular lines and edges ... And your skin isn't as fine or soft as a girl's. I've never touched anyone else's stubble before," Jongin's palm cradles his jaw gently and drags it across finely stubbled skin.

"It must be a little weird for you," Joonmyun's eyes are still closed and his voice sounds fragile and not like his own.

"No. It's just different. I like it ... I like you."

"Jongin, why? Why are you doing this?" His eyelids open reluctantly, like he's afraid of what he'll find in Jongin's eyes.

"I keep seeing your face. I can't seem to stop seeing it everywhere I go." There's a whish as Jongin removes the rubber collar from his shoulders and truncated strands of cut hair cascade to the ground.

"But it's just me."

"I think that's the point." Jongin says and he exhales shakily just before he leans forward and captures Joonmyun's lips in a tentative kiss. His movements are hesitant and uncertain like he's never done this before and isn't quite sure what to do next. So Joonmyun moves a little closer and kisses him more urgently, letting his hands roam over Jongin's bare collarbones and arms. He's ached to touch Jongin for months so it's almost surreal that those are his fingers on Jongin's shoulder, his fingers gripping Jongin's nape, his mouth moving passionately over Jongin's, and his tongue curling sensually around Jongin's. The other man is moaning as he responds to Joonmyun's caresses and he's already hard - his rigid cock pressing against Joonmyun's thigh. Abruptly, Jongin stands up and he's so much taller and everything's happening too fast ... They haven't even talked about things, but caution is the furthest thing from Joonmyun's mind as his right hand slides up Jongin's back, gliding across liquid smooth skin and over strong shoulder blades while his left hand explores the small of Jongin's back, fingers pressing against the warm skin inside the waistband of his shorts.

With a sharp intake of breath, Jongin drags Joonmyun to the coffee colored couch a few feet away and tumbles them both onto the fabric surface. Jongin lands first, on his back, while Joonmyun ends up sprawled across his chest. His eyes are burning pools of desire as Jongin pulls Joonmyun down and their lips meet in a kiss that is both tender and scorching. Their bodies slide against each other, creating a delicious kind of friction and the sensations only intensify when Joonmyun rolls his hips and their erections press against each other through two thin layers of clothing. There's a deep, sweet ache in Joonmyun's groin as he settles himself on Jongin's hips and Jongin's cock and thrusts against its hard length. He can feel a fraction of the heat through the whisper of fabric that separates them and he wants to die from the unbearable tightness. Every instinct urges him to slip his hand inside Jongin's shorts and take him in hand but a single, remaining sliver of reason stops him and reminds him that Jongin's never been with a man. He shouldn't rush him, so he just palms him through the fabric instead when they're not grinding against each other.

Jongin licks his neck and there's a slight sting as he marks Joonmyun where his neck meets his left shoulder. Joonmyun knows they should talk things over first, discuss where they stand with each other first before making out. His conscience tells him this but his hips continue to rock erotically into Jongin's as the other man kisses him and tongues his ear. Minutes pass before Joonmyun arches his back and they moan uninhibitedly, their bodies shuddering in bliss. Spent, Joonmyun's body sinks bonelessly onto Jongin's and he rests his head on the hard, still-clothed chest beneath his cheek. For a while they just try to catch their breaths and then Jongin wraps his arm around him and hugs him close, and flushed with afterglow, they ignore the wetness in their shorts and fall asleep in each other's arms.

***

It's almost 10 pm when Joonmyun wakes up, sticky and groggy, with the scent of Jongin's skin in his nostrils. His limbs are still languid from earlier and he spends a few minutes just luxuriating in Jongin. He doesn't want to think right now about how this intimacy would most likely ruin their friendship; he just wants to feel. And suddenly it's too much - he feels too much. If things don't work out and there's a high chance they won't because Jongin's never even been into guys, will he be able to cope with the heartbreak? Now he's started thinking, he moves right on to overthinking - he can't seem to stop himself. What if he gets even more deeply attached than he already is? What if Jongin tires of him? What if Jongin decides that he can't deal with being gay? There are so many negatives in this equation and all at once, Joonmyun feels like he can't breathe and he doesn't want to risk losing himself in a relationship that will probably end in pain. He's already fallen so deeply for Jongin that there can only be pain when things fall apart. Quietly, he extricates himself from Jongin's arms and the younger man shifts restlessly but doesn't wake. He's so beautiful in sleep, and this, this Joonmyun has never seen. He's never seen Jongin in slumber. Relaxed in sleep, Jongin's exotic face is more boyish, and his full lips form a subtle pout as his chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm. The sight leaves a pang in Joonmyun's chest that hurts him to the core. He wants so much to stay and take his chances and be with Jongin but his head overpowers his heart and propels his feet toward the door - taking him out of the apartment and out of Jongin's life.

***

Jongin wakes up twenty minutes later to empty arms and an empty apartment. He smiles as he recalls the way Joonmyun had looked and felt as their bodies had moved intimately together and the way he'd fit so securely in his arms. But where had he gone? After a few minutes, Jongin knocks on the bathroom door but the door isn't locked and there's no one inside. That's when he realizes Joonmyun's navy blue Vans sneakers are gone. It doesn't make sense and Jongin calls him and the phone rings and rings till it's routed to voice mail. He tries another two times with the same result and he finally sends him a text message:

_Why did you leave? Call me please?_

But Joonmyun doesn't call back. He doesn't call back for the next two weeks. Jongin rings him multiple times but the call either goes to voice mail or Joonmyun answers the phone briefly to say he's in the middle of something right now and he can't talk and the cycle repeats itself. He tries sending text messages to Joonmyun which the latter replies without actually answering any of his questions and this has Jongin worried.

_Joonmyun, why aren't you picking up? We need to talk. Call me?  
I just can't right now, Jongin. Sorry I just can't._

_We're watching Pulp Fiction tonight. See you for dinner?  
Can't make it. Jongdae's getting the pizza. Enjoy._

_How are you? Can you come over to my place? We should talk.  
Can't. I have a deadline._

And then finally, he resorts to simply worded pleas which go unanswered.

_Please pick up._

_Joonmyun, I miss you. Please answer._

 

Desperate and confused, Jongin even goes to his apartment a few times and knocks on his door but there's never any answer except for the one time Joonmyun's brother Joonhae had opened the door for him, only to inform Jongin that he wasn't at home. Meanwhile, every time Jongin glimpses his reflection in a mirror or a glass door or a puddle of rainwater, he sees his newly trimmed hair and thinks of Joonmyun. The older man has stayed away for more than two weeks and it's reached a point where Jongin has even begun asking Jongdae how he is and why he hasn't been around. Jongdae airily tells him that Joonmyun is fine - _just busy with college and project deadlines_.

When Jongin walks the corridors of the campus and the aisles of the library, his eyes constantly scan and search for Joonmyun's face but it's like that one time they crossed paths was an anomaly because they haven't bumped into each other at university since.

***

The bistro where Jongin works part-time has decent business on week nights but Saturdays always get really hectic, and tonight is no exception. Dressed in his tailored white button down shirt, black jeans and knee-length black waiter's apron which sits low on his lean hips, Jongin moves briskly and efficiently around the restaurant floor all night. After hours of balancing huge seafood and steak platters and decanting thirteen bottles of wine, Jongin's arms are tired and achey, and the arches of his feet are sore. At least the tips are good, he consoles himself as he unties the apron, unbuttons his uniform whites and changes into a fresh t-shirt.

It's only an eight minute walk back to the apartment but his mind inevitably wanders and locks on Joonmyun. He's always on the fringes of Jongin's consciousness, like a tear in his shirt that he's just recently noticed and which he's suddenly overwhelmingly aware of being there - a rip that just gets bigger and bigger, a rend he can't help poking at and worrying. Jongin knows he should give up because Joonmyun clearly doesn't want a relationship with him but he can't let go of something that had barely even started before the other man shut him out. He can't accept that he won't be able to hold him or touch him or talk to him again. And he knows Joonmyun feels something for him - he'd seen it in his eyes that night they'd been together. He'd felt it in the tender way Joonmyun's hands and lips had roamed over his body.

Jongin is soon in his apartment building and entering the lift. His finger reaches out to press the number 2 for his floor, but with a strange sense of detachment, Jongin watches his index finger depress the number 12 and the lift begins moving - taking him to an apartment he's only visited twice before. Joonmyun probably isn't even home. It's a Saturday night, after all. People go out on Saturday nights to have fun, don't they? Maybe go out for a movie or dinner or coffee? And it's almost 12.30. What is he even doing here?

Before he knows it, he's facing a similar door to the one that leads to his own apartment, except this one is painted kingfisher blue. Joonmyun had chosen the color himself and painted it 6 weeks ago. Jongin isn't sure why he even remembers this but he does. He remembers most things Joonmyun tells him. He realizes this now. And he hasn't seen Joonmyun for more than two weeks and he misses him - not in a casual I-miss-hanging-out-with-him kind of way. It's a bone deep craving he's never experienced before and can't come to grips with. Jongin is about to press the doorbell when he remembers, in a daze, that Joonmyun doesn't live alone. His older brother and his girlfriend probably won't be too impressed if the doorbell echoes loudly through the apartment at this time of night. So he takes his phone out and calls, and waits and hopes Joonmyun will answer for a change.

"Jongin, it's late," Joonmyun says and Jongin hasn't heard his voice in five days and there's an ache deep in his chest at finally hearing it again.

"I'm outside. Please, Joonmyun, I need to see you." Jongin doesn't even care anymore about the desperation in his voice.

"Jongin, I don't want to see you. I can't ... I'm finally starting to get over this. I want to forget what happened that night." His voice is stubborn but Jongin senses a thread of longing.

"But don't you see? I don't want you to get over this. I don't want to forget; I can't forget what happened and I don't want to and please just come out, Joonmyun. Just this once, please. I haven't seen you in more than two weeks. I need to see you."

"Two minutes. I'll give you two minutes." Joonmyun sounds determined but Jongin can be determined too and he's not giving up without a fight.

The door opens and Jongin feels the fullness in his chest swell as he sees the heart shaped face he's not laid eyes on in sixteen days. Joonmyun looks wan and tired and his hair looks like he's been lying in bed and he's hastily finger combed it on the way to the front door. He's wearing faded gray gym shorts and an old plain white tee. He looks thin and exhausted - but he doesn't look like he's been woken up from sleep. The ache in Jongin's chest intensifies and he doesn't say anything - he just lets out a sigh which is half worry, half relief and pulls Joonmyun into his arms. There's some resistance as Joonmyun struggles to break out of the embrace but Jongin won't let go and after a few seconds, Joonmyun sighs, and his thin body relaxes. And the ache in Jongin's chest recedes a little as Joonmyun's arms wrap around his much taller, much broader body and hugs him back.

"I missed you so much." Jongin says simply as he buries his face in the bony curve of Joonmyun's shoulder.

"But you're not even into guys." Joonmyun points out a shade bitterly.

"Just you, apparently." Jongin hand curls around Joonmyun's nape and there's nothing platonic about the gesture.

"I don't want to be just an experiment, Jongin."

"You're not. I've liked you as a friend for almost three months and I've liked you as more than a friend for almost a month of that time and I don't think that's changing any time soon. I've never been attracted to any guy other than you so this isn't just an experiment,"

"I'm not sure I can do this, Jongin."

"I'm not sure I can take it if you don't even try," Jongin's looking at him now, Joonmyun's face cradled between his palms. "Give us a try, Joonmyun, please?" Jongin pleads just before his lips cover coral pink lips in the tenderest of kisses, "A chance, that's all I ask." And he's kissing Joonmyun again, his tongue exploring the gentle slopes and dips of his mouth before Joonmyun moans softly and his lips part, letting Jongin in. As their tongues tangle gently and their breaths mingle, Joonmyun's hands reach beneath Jongin's shirt and travel across his bare back and shoulders and he pushes his body closer and they just fit, everything fits so perfectly. Fingers stroke the edges of his jawline and traverse his scalp as their kiss deepens and Jongin's skin comes alive with sensation. But most of all, as he gives himself up to the kiss, Jongin can feel his heart mending and healing and everything feels all right because Joonmyun is in his arms and touching him. Everything is perfect.

"Come home with me," Jongin drags his lips away from the sweet curve of Joonmyun's neck to say.

"But Jongdae?"

"Is spending the night at his girlfriend's place. Her roommate is gone for the weekend so he won't be back tonight. Come home with me," Jongin asks again just before he dusts kisses along the smooth surface of Joonmyun's slim neck.

Joonmyun doesn't say anything but he puts on some flip flops, locks the kingfisher blue door and lets Jongin take his hand and tow him to the elevator. Once the doors seal shut, Jongin pulls Joonmyun up close against his chest and says softly, "I missed you." Then he kisses him and holds him close and Joonmyun is quiet as he sighs and lays his cheek on the broad expanse of Jongin's chest.

***

"I'm gonna take a shower. I worked a six hour shift and I smell like a restaurant."

"Maybe just a little." Joonmyun laughs as he sits down on the bed. He feels a little awkward all of a sudden.

"You've lost weight. Have you been eating and sleeping enough?" Jongin sits down beside him instead of heading for the bathroom.

"My appetite hasn't been too good I guess and I've been sleeping badly." Joonmyun admits reluctantly.

"If I contributed ... I'm sorry, Joonmyun." Jongin's palm is on his pale cheek. "I'm taking you for an all-you-can-eat lunch and dinner tomorrow so you can start putting some weight back on."

"You're wasting your money! I can't eat that much."

"I don't care. I want you to eat. You're too thin, I'm worried."

"I'll be ok. Just go shower."

"You should lie down and rest. I know it's late." Jongin looks and sounds concerned as he gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Just go," Joonmyun says with a tired half-smile.

"You'll still be here when I get back? I won't come back to find you gone?"

"I'll be here, Jongin." Joonmyun lays down on the double bed, hugging the pillow beneath him. It smells citrusy and male and Jongin. Fingers of cool air caress his legs just before thin fabric settles on his body.

"I won't be long, Joonmyun. Rest ..." Jongin tucks the light blanket around Joonmyun, and kisses his forehead before he leaves the room.

A small part of Joonmyun still doesn't think he should have given in to the insistent whispers of his heart and followed Jongin home. And he still believes there's a chance he'll be badly scarred in the long run, but he really doesn't care anymore because being apart from Jongin hurts too and he doesn't want to live with enforced emptiness anymore. It's a wound that won't heal anyway so he's done with it. And if he's honest with himself, the more he thinks about it, maybe Jongin's not such a bad bet after all ...

***

"Your fringe is getting long." Joonmyun's fingers stroke the dark chestnut strands - his fingertips making tiny knots of pleasure on Jongin's forehead.

"You'll have to cut it for me again," Jongin teases as his fingertips trace the contours of the pale pink lips he's wanted to touch since the night Joonmyun told him he was gay. They're so soft and pretty and Jongin can't resist kissing them.

"I'm beginning to think you only wanna date me for the free haircuts." Joonmyun says sarcastically and Jongin's so glad to see pieces of the old Joonmyun surfacing again.

"Think of all the pizza we could buy with the money I save on haircuts!" Jongin laughs and Joonmyun punches his arm in mock outrage. Then Jongin's face becomes serious all of a sudden as he says, "You know I can't be without you, right? That's why I've been trying to see you for the past two weeks. I just ... I need you in my life, Joonmyun. Just you. Does that make sense? Are you okay with that?"

"How can I not be?" Joonmyun says and buries his face in Jongin's chest - suddenly self-conscious.

"So you won't disappear on me again?"

"No, I won't. What I did was wrong and really unfair to you but I was really scared of getting hurt, you know?"

"You like me too, then?" Jongin asks hesitantly because Joonmyun hasn't actually said anything directly.

"I must have hidden my feelings better than I thought." He runs his fingers along the ridges of Jongin's collarbones. "I've liked you pretty much since you moved in. Wasn't it obvious?"

"I wasn't looking out for it before you told me you were gay. And then after you told me you kept avoiding me."

"Now you know." Joonmyun says before he initiates a lingering kiss that begins with the mouth and moves to the neck and collarbones and leads to Jongin's t-shirt coming off. His tanned skin is warm and smells of lemons and his still damp hair smells fresh and so good. Joonmyun expels a shaky breath as Jongin pulls his white tee over his head and then they're skin to skin and Jongin's never been so turned on. It's not what he's used to but he doesn't feel any lack as his hands explore the flat, hard planes of Joonmyun's chest and abs, and his tongue flicks the other man's rosy pink nipples. His hand moves down to explore the hard length of Joonmyun's erection and Jongin revels in his gasps of pleasure as he eases down the waistband of his shorts. Slowly, uncertainly, Jongin fists his cock and pulls. As Joonmyun moans, he increases his pace and tugs harder. He's so focused on his task he doesn't even realize what Joonmyun's hand is doing until the pleasure hits him at the subtle pressure of Joonmyun's strong fingers wrapped around his cock. In a matter of seconds, they're both completely naked and just feeling the silken heat of Joonmyun's skin against his own is almost enough to make Jongin come. Joonmyun can't stop staring as Jongin's kiss-swollen lips form an "oh" of ecstasy and he makes a sound which is half moan, half sigh before plunging his eager tongue into Jongin's mouth. They kiss ardently as they pleasure each other with their hands and when they finally come minutes later, it's within seconds of each other.

"Don't leave this time, Joonmyun. I don't want to wake up and find you gone." Jongin says quietly and Joonmyun nods and reassures him that he'll stay if he wants him to. Satisfied with his answer, Jongin grabs some tissues and cleans them up. Then he gathers Joonmyun in his arms and covers them with his blanket.

"Stay with me always," Jongin whispers as he moulds his chest to Joonmyun's back.

"Always." Joonmyun says softly. And as Jongin's warmth surrounds him and makes him feel safe, Joonmyun's heart and mind are at peace for the first time in three months.

 

_Epilogue_

The sun is already high in the sky when Joonmyun wakes up the following morning. Intense summer sunlight is forcing its way through the gaps in between the taupe Venetian blinds and Joonmyun squints at the harshness of the light. Jongin is still asleep, but his arms continue to hold Joonmyun securely. He's loathe to leave all that security, but he really needs to use the toilet so he carefully untangles himself from Jongin and manages to not wake him. Joonmyun rummages through the pile of clothing on the floor before locating, then pulling on his plaid boxers. He doesn't bother with a shirt because he fully intends to climb back into bed and sleep away the rest of the lazy Sunday. Bleary eyed, he wanders out of Jongin's room and bumps into a wide-eyed and clearly bewildered Jongdae.

"Whoa, dude! Why are you coming out of Jongin's room in just your boxers - NO! WAIT! ON SECOND THOUGHT DON'T ANSWER THAT BECAUSE I'M NOT READY FOR THE TRUTH! I do not need to know that my best friend and my roomie just did the nasty! Just no, dude."

"God, Dae, will you stop shouting? I just wanna take a leak." Joonmyun groans and stumbles to the toilet.

"Jongin! You and Joonmyun? What the hell?! Why didn't anyone tell me anything? How long has this been going on? You guys, what the hell?" Jongdae hammers on the bedroom door, bellowing.

"Since yesterday. Stop yelling for fuck's sake. I'm going back to bed." Joonmyun says calmly as he walks past him and enters Jongin's room.

"But Jongin is straight!" Jongdae is clearly perplexed.

"I'M NOT! Now go away, Dae!" A sleepy voice shouts from behind Jongin's door.

"Dammit, I'm never going to have any peace now with my best friend and roomie fucking like rabbits next door. YOU GUYS SUCK, MAN!" Jongdae bellows one last time, but his face is etched in a grin because he's secretly happy they've hooked up. But he'll be damned if he ever admits that to either of them. He stares at the door and shakes his head. _Rabbits. They're probably going at it like rabbits ..._

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted as an entry in the Suholiday fic exchange.


End file.
